Friday, 12 December 2008

My Two Most Hated People in TV

I love television. I think that is a fair assessment. In this industry, there are a huge number of incredibly talented people making some wonderful shows, people who I wish all the best for and cannot wait to see what they do next. Sadly, not everyone in the industry is like this. Some of them are complete assholes, ruining once great, or potentially great shows. Two, especially, stick out in my mind. I hate them.

Tim Kring.

This man is an utter imbecile. The first season of Heroes was genius. It took superhero conventions,and established them in a world of normality. It was show of people struggling to find out who they truly are, as we all are, but with superpowers thrown in as a bonus. It mixed the trials of life with the extraordinary to be both relatable and exciting. It was an incredible show.

But Kring had a principle, of “writing based on the idea of what happens next, and not knowing where you’re going, intrigued by the idea of writing kind of blindly towards an ending." In some cases this is not the wrong approach. The majority of shows start production before scripts are completed. However, generally the writers and producers have some idea of what is going to happen. This way they create story arcs and can use subtle prolepsis to create a universe for their show. Kring does not do this. He stumbles around.

Kring has no respect for the audience. When he is not actively insulting them, he is making absurd statments about how the new medium of TV on demand has killed serialised dramas, a suggesting which just makes no sense. He spends long periods introducing plot lines or characters before dropping them unceremoiously, with no sense of conclusion. Heroes now has no flow, each episode mangles what went before, strangling the canon, and making, quite simply, absolutly no sense as a narrative arc. We have gone from the achingly slow season two and arrived at a rocket paced mess that makes no sense. There is no continuity. Characters are, for the third time, repeatring their stories from season one, or are being forced into uncharacteristic directions for no good reason. He has now decided that a high tempo will replace good writing.

Kring has killed Heroes. He took one of the greatest shows I have ever seen, and solidly and consistently destroyed it, hacking away at everything that was once great. For this I despise the man. I hate him.

Salvation?

Kring originally designed the cast of Heroes to be constantly changing. He intended for a completely new cast to come around frequently, introducing new stories and new threads. Instead, the Network Executives at NBC forced Kring to keep the same cast, writing stories for characters that were never intended to have multiple story arcs, and so repetition ensued. The Writers strike did not help, lobotomising everything he was building towards with season two. But, nonetheless, he has taken one of the greatest television series I have ever seen, on a constant downward spiral. I hate you Tim Kring. You have ruined Heroes.

Russell T. Davies.

This man cannot write a decent script to save his life. Every episode of Doctor Who that he has been in charge of has been gripped by his horiffic inability to write tension, plot or dialog. After seeing the public pandering to this berk, this man has an OBE, I am sickened. Every stupid cliche imaginable, with no purpose or direction. Horribly repetitive and annoying characters, in a show devoid of internal logic.

But the reason I hate him is not because Doctor Who is so often utter drivel. That could be expected. I hate him because, every now and again, Doctor Who is amazing. Talented writers such as Paul Cornell or Steven Moffat come in and produce incredible episodes, that are genuinly interesting and tense, and then we go back to more of the horrendous crap shoved at us by Russell T.

This turgid mess, advertised for months, was best exemplified in last years christmas special. That was, without a doubt, one of the worst things I have ever seen on Doctor Who. Closely followed by every Russel T. Davies penned season opener or finale. And now this man is gone, replaced, and we will just have to see, in a few years time, if someone else can do better with this show. I just wish people would stop building it up into something it isn't. It is a horrible show, with occasional grand episodes.

Salvation?

Russell is, at heart, a publicist. He was able to resurrect a TV show that had an unpopular public image, and create a huge buzz. He returned a TV icon to screen successfully, using some incredibly clever marketing. He used teased shots of re-imagined villains to create interest, and re-invented the nature of Saturday afternoon television. Mimicry is the highest form of flattery, and with shows like Merlin, Robin Hood and Primeval making the rounds, it is clear that Davies had been hugely successful at what he set out to do. And I have been spoiled. A few good episodes, and suddenly, I am expecting gold from a mildly distracting show written as kitsch nonsense for children at Saturday teatime. Maybe he should be forgiven. But he isn't.

Friday, 28 November 2008

A Rich Man in Ebay

I am bored, and so am going to alleviate my boredom by pretending to be a Millionaire browsing Ebay. The rules are simple, look for the most expensive item on Ebay, and wonder about how awesome it would be if I was rich enough to buy it on a whim. Of course, I am not looking at Ebay motors, or for any Real Estate.

Books: The Origin of the Species, by Darwin, 1st Edition, one of the most influential books in the history of scientific thought... £39,999. Harry Potter, signed 1st Edition, one of my favourite books of all time, £19,950.

Sport: BAR/Honda F1 display car, has not an engine, but can be sat in and everything. £29,950. Another F1 item, Lewis Hamilton's signed overalls from the Monaco GP '08, £20,000. What about Football? £6,000 for Rivelino's shirt from Brazil v England match during the World Cup in 1970.

Film & TV: Now, this is where I know rich, Future Me is gonna blow money. A signed (left) boxing glove from Rocky, £1,499. A full sized Terminator arm prop, £499. Then the big one - Oh. My. God. Star Wars Stormtrooper Armour. Full size. You. Can. Wear. It.

Clothes & Jewellery: A antique watch from 1670. Still keeps the time. £50,000. A Vera Wang Ivory wedding Dress for £8,000 is the most expensive piece of listed clothing. A Hermes Birkin Crocodile skin Handbag, £40,000 or a Crystal Skull, £13,000. Then we find the really big stuff. A pearl and gold necklace, this thing is fancy, and it is £120,000. And then... 'King Barack', the original painting by Michael Angelo, £9,000,000.

Well, that killed some time. And put me over £10,500,000 in debt. But who needs money when I can be sitting in my display F1 car, dressed as a stormtrooper reading Harry Potter, (er.. I mean Darwin..) occasionally glancing up to my Michael Angelo painting or my Terminator Arm wearing a Rocky Glove? Who needs food when I has that?

Arrested Development

I have been watching this comedy show, Arrested Development, and I have to say it is mighty funny.

The premise of the show is that our main charcter is the only normal guy in a family of crazies, who is forced to take over as the head of the family buisness when his father is jailed. This premise cannot possibly explain how aesome this show is. It is both wonderfully relatable and absurd, just the way things should.

The best bit so far? Michael's brother-in-law, Tobias, is talked into breaking into a blind lawyer's house in order to steal evidence incriminating their jailed father. However, the lawyer returns, and it is only cat-like reflexes that keep Tobias from being discovered. Complexly, the lawyer is not blind, but is only pretending to be in order to garner sympathy form the judge, but cannot admit to this, and so beigns a hilarious cat and mouse game, where she repeatedtly tries to catch Tobias, without revealing she can see him the entire time.

Urgent Weather Update!

It has stopped Raining. Now it is just cold.

We don't even have snow to liven things up.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Fun in Area 51

Today, I started playing Area 51. This particular videogame was made free to download, so I figured, 'what the heck'. After spending the quick tutorial making sure I could crouch with C, as should be law, and didn't need to use ctrl, (double-ctrl opens google toolbar for some crappy reason, and if ctrl is melee, and you are being attacked by zombie-mutant-monsters,and you panic and bash ctrl, then the game crashes to desktop so you can use google - that is not good.), I found it to be a good game. It runs well, has a decent story, very cinematic. The teammate AI is a bit simplistic, and they insist on running in your line of fire, but that idiocy reminds me of TF2. I was having fun.

Then this bit pissed me off. You are told to go "SCAN THE COMPUTER" for intel on delta squad, who are missing as delta squads all around the world are want to do. So I go to the computer and use my scanner. YOUR CHARACTER IS THE SCANNER GUY. This is very important, you have a special scanner on your arm, much like Cortez in Timesplitters, but more important. Your role in the team is the scanner-guy. You have a whole tutorial on the scanner. This is not the first time I have been told to scan something. So I go and scan the computer. I doesn't work, it just scans the air, (mostly nitrogen) so I try again. And again. And again. From different angles - I crouch below, jump on top, try from near, try from far, NOTHING WORKS! So I get pissed, and go to gamefaqs. This always makes me feel cheap, using the internet for answers when I am lost. They tell me to run back to the start of the level and explore a room that was on fire, search the body of a dead scientist for a keycard, return to where I was, achieve a crappy jumping puzzle for another keycard, open a double key carded room, get ambused by more zombie-mutant-monsters, fend then off with limited ammo, and get the shotgun. Whoop. I have a shotgun. But that does not help me SCAN THE COMPUTER!

ARGGH!

Turns out, that in this game, USE is not E, it is Tab. Tab to use iten? Huh? And you are not supposed to "scan" the computer, even though this instruction is repeated every 30 seconds in those excact words, you are supposed to USE the computer to get the intel.

I just wasted 30mins on the second level where I was supposed to go over to a PC and press USE.

Monday, 10 November 2008

Internet - Part 2

Wireless Internet

I just thought you might be interested in a new reson why I love my laptop.

I am writing this sitting in bed.

From my bed, I can connect to the wireless network.

The possibilities are endless. All I need now is something to dispense food, and I will be set.

This is awesome.