Thursday 30 September 2010

New TV 2010 - The Mega Review Part 2

The Event - NBC

Television networks love starting high concept sci-fi shows, with their over-arching mysteries and season long plots. This time last year, FlashForward was being touted as having a four year plan, and complex shady characters. It was dead by February. Starting these shows is fun... just give them a fancy pilot and a neat concept. But then it hit FlashForward... characters sat about being unpleasant and repetitively inactive. Real people stop watching. The show died, and nobody shed a tear. And now, a year later, we have a new high concept sci-fi mystery show. And The Event sure does have a fancy pilot.

The Event makes a fancy debut. The idea is that an ordinary (read: bland) young man is going on holiday with his ordinary (read: hot) girlfriend, and then a short while later, he is on a plane, with a gun. We don’t see what happened between these two scenes, and are meant to wonder – what did happen between these events? What is going on? Who even is he?

The Event looks like it would be a decent sci-fi story if told by an omnipotent, reliable narrator in chronological order. I know those were a lot of big words, so I will put it simple: this is a show which is told out of order, and by deliberately missing things out in order to create tension. Not knowing what is going on seems key to all the tension. Did you like it on Lost when Locke would say “come with me” and no-one would bother to ask “why?” or “where?” Well, this is that, but constantly. No-one tells anyone what is going on, and we are not told what is going on. And y’know what – I loved it. This was a good debut.

As a show, I will want to watch it next week, to see what is going on. It was the first pilot show of the year which left me with questions for next week. But my advice is to wait. Don’t bother watching the show until next summer. See what people make of it – see if it gets good. It should. And if it does, enjoy. But there is a decent chance it will fail, and it is not worth expending your precious time on a sinking ship.

Added to that, truth be told, this show is coming a tad too soon after Lost. That finale hurt me. That finale did not just ruin Lost, it killed any desire I may have to get invested in a sci-fi mystery show, only to finally have them pull out the most obvious answer, even after swearing for years that was not the answer, and undermining it for six years so that it makes no goddamn sense in the mythology of the show. The Event wants to be the lovechild of Lost and 24, fine, but that comes with baggage.

So here I say it – The Event is Aliens. It is all Aliens.


Mike & Molly – CBS

This is the most boringly average sitcom anyone has ever decided to make. Mike is an obese policeman. I don’t normally define people by their weight, but here it is everything about him. Every word, every action, every single thing, is based upon him being fat. And there is a girl, Molly, who is fat. She likes cake and has difficulty on the stairmaster. They meet at a weightwatchers meeting, and looks set to begin the most average romcom ever. But with the twist that they are fat.

There were a couple of jokes, and Mike & Molly seem like they could be interesting, maybe even funny, people, if only they would stop spending all of their time obsessing over how they are fat. I can see that! It is pretty obvious! You don’t need to keep reminding me, in case I forget!

If you feel like watching this show you need to reconsider your life.


$#*! My Dad Says - CBS

This is another CBS three camera sitcom, filmed in front of a live studio audience, but this has William Shatner as the father to his now adult children, who he is trying to reconnect to. There are funny sitcoms, filmed as though they were made twenty years ago, and they mostly were made twenty years ago. This is not a funny show. Every joke feels like it was flat packed from Ikea, and after dragging out the construction of each one as only The Shat can do, the actors stare into each other’s souls, whist waiting for the audience to stop having a fit laughing at their average zingers and put-downs. It is a painfully average show which will be dead by Christmas. But then that is what people have been hoping would happen to Two And A Half Men, and that is a CBS sitcom which is somehow still breathing.

If you really feel the need for an average sitcom about failing at being a dad and old age, then I can’t advise against this. It was slightly funnier that Mike & Molly, to its credit, but it was so heartless, so soulless, that it really doesn’t deserve your valuable time.


Lone Star - FOX

This is the best hour of television that the last few weeks have given me. It was amazing.

The concept is harder to explain, so please forgive me when I mess it up. Robert Allen is a career con man, who has been working with his dad on a long con, trying to get into the family that runs a big oil company. He has been doing this by marrying the daughter. At the same time, he has fallen in love with girl, living in a town which he conned into buying bad stock. He is trying to keep himself working between both of these lives, “trying to live in his own house of cards” and all the while, trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. Now, trust me when I say that this is the second time I am writing this, as my first attempt was three times as long and four times as confusing. Both of these lives, his cons and his dad and himself, they are all filled with real, rich characters, and with the potential for drama and excitement.

It is shot beautifully. There are a huge number of subtle things and subtle scene that tell you who each character is, and why they matter. I have never before seen such incredible use of time to give such a stong feeling for who these people are, and yet I never felt over whelmed.

If I keep going it will sound like gushing, so I had better the problems out of the way now. Becuase there are so many characters introduced, the two women in Robert’s never get a chance to do much. But the bigger problem is that many people will be turned off by what Bob does. He is a con-man, who lies and steals from people, and lies and cheats on the women he loves. That alone will turn some people off. But the biggest problem for me is that this show reeks of being in trouble right from the start. It has been given a terrible timeslot, and has been given almost no advertising. (This is par for the course for a truly good show on Fox.) Partially, I guess that is because it took me almost two-hundred words to sum it up in basic terms, and I left out a whole bunch. And it doesn’t exactly have a name that sells itself, like The Event.

But even if this show doesn’t make it to next year, I cannot wait for next week. This was the best hour of drama so far, and you really don’t want to miss it.


No Ordinary Family - ABC

This is another of the big budget new shows to air, one of the ones with a high concept premise, and recognisable faces in the lead roles. Michael Chiklis, from The Shield, and Julie Benz, who was Rita on Dexter, are the parents in an ordinary American suburban family. They have two teenage kids, (who are both paint-by-numbers nothings in this first episode), and decide to take a family holiday. There is an incident. They get superpowers.

The Dad, and I am going to have to call them by their roles as I can’t remember any of them being called by their names in the entire pilot, becomes Superman as he was in the 1930s. Y’know, he can leap over a building but can’t fly, and can catch a bullet but isn’t bullet-proof. He is also depressed about being a stay-at-home dad with a part time job helping the police. His wife, who is a very successful career scientist, with a speciality that is never made clear, can run really fast. Because it is a metaphor for how she lives her life running through everything, as she repeatedly reminds us. While brooding. The two kids don’t get to do much, and their abilities don’t start to come through until the end, so I will leave that surprise for you. The only problem I had was that they are all so... depressing. I get that these people need to be flawed is they are to have character arcs, and y’know, grow as people. Perfect people are boring, we can all relate to that. But don’t be so depressed all the time. Stop complaining about your lives all the time. It gets very boring, very quick. Thanks in advance.

There is a hint of a conspiracy, which I predict to be painfully dull, and the possibility for monster-of-the-week averageness to be combined with family melodrama. So that is the usual. This family is like watching The Incredibles, but with none of their charm. (The show throws a couple of The Incredibles references up for you, if you keep your eyes open.) Most of all, it looks like a decent show. It doesn’t have the darkness, or the heart of the first season of heroes, but like it could be its own thing. It could be a show about family, who can do superhero things, and it gives the impression of being something I want to watch, not just of being something I feel like I should want to watch.



P.S – I had barely finished writing this when news broke that Lone Star has been cancelled! After two (critically acclaimed by the way) episodes! Seriously, people, what gives? All of you should still watch it, says I, because it really was that good. Looks like I will be crying myself to sleep tonight. Good bye, Lone Star.

Tuesday 28 September 2010

Another Gift

Here is a picture of an Ewok. With Audrey Hepburn.


Now you are another step closer to having seen anything.

Monday 27 September 2010

Soz for the delay

Well, I have now moved back to Exeter. Moving to a new house has had a big impact. Getting used to a new place takes a while. For example, it takes time to get used to how the shower takes the longest second to react to being turned on or off. But most of all, it is not really until you get internet that things start to feel like home.

Soon we will have internet. Soon it will be a new home.

And then I can continue my quest to watch more television. So bear with me...

Friday 17 September 2010

New TV 2010 - The Mega Review Part 1

I love this time of year, as it is the beginning of a new year of American Television. In the USA, tons of big new shows premiere within less than one month in “fall.” These premiers are littered with average crime procedurals and terrible sitcoms that will get cancelled by February. I will watch those to mock them. But the real excitement comes from watching to find the surprise hit show – that show that you take in close to your heart. A new Pushing Daisies, or Middleman. And, spaced out in the crush are the heavy hitters; the big new shows made by big names and with big stars. This is the most exciting fortnight in American Television, and the excitement runs like Christmas morning – where you can see a whole bunch o’ presents, but are not yet sure what they are.

So this season I decided to set myself a challenge. To watch, and review, the debut episodes of every new scripted show, as listed on the tvguide.com fall preview guide. All twenty-three of them.


That includes shows you should be excited for, like The Event or Broadwalk Empire, and the ones that will surely be deader than a dead parrot. If I laugh even once at Outsourced, it will be a shock.

And so it begins:


Terriers - FX

This is the sort of show which should be incredibly formulaic. A pair of middle-aged unlicenced private detectives, get hired every week to go and... privately... detect something. One is younger than the other, and the older is more jaded, having an ex-wife and an ex-drinking problem. But the show feels much more endearing than that. It works hard to not play simply into a formula, clearly channelling Veronica Mars. It has the same fast, quippy dialogue, the same fake identities and a cute dog. Oh, and it’s hinting at a longer running mystery. So that is all good.

The tone of the show is great, with moments of hilarity and seriousness, and it has a certain darkness that makes it clear these characters are not living a dream. Oh course, a show can’t be judged on just one meeting, and that is one of the big problems I just know I am going to keep running up against in this “challenge”, but you can get a sense of whether a show is worth a second date, and this is definitely a show worth watching – especially if you are a Mars fan.


Nikita – The CW


Based on La Femme Nikita, “but remade for the 21st century” as so many new shows are, this show is a spy thriller, based upon the titular Nikita, a female ex-assassin who has gone rouge from “The Division”, with a dual plot based upon Alex, a new recruit at Division. This means we can see our agency of assassins from the outside (Nikita), and the inside (Alex), and I presume the show is going to become a complex mess of agents, double-agents and triple-agents which I'd look forward to being delighted by. Hopefully, this will be just as much fun as it was in Alias, and the spy missions will feel fresh and exciting, as it looks like they will be what the show rests on. The side characters have some nice sparky lines, with The Tech Geek and The Gruff Boss looking like fun, and here’s hoping that the show becomes something worth seeking out. Especially as Nikita herself, played by Maggie Q, looks like she’ll be great to watch.

But then again, remakes of old shows often fail to do the original justice, relying too much on the old name, and female led shows tyically have to work hard to match the viewing figures of shows led by guys. And this is not a show without flaws. The pilot episode felt rushed, trying to cram in all the characters without letting us get a feel for any of them, leaving them all clichéd and uninteresting. I cannot in all honesty tell you a single personality trait of any of them – and that is not a good sign. And it is going to have to try pretty hard to be even nearly as good as, or as fun as, Alias. And my spy needs are already more than met by Chuck, which doubles as being hilarious, so an out-and-out spy show will have to work extra hard to earn my loyalty.

I would not be in the least surprised if this burns itself out quickly, relying heavily on ridiculous missions and Nikita fanservice, and is gone by this time next year. Anyone even remember the Bionic Woman remake? But then again, this could be the beginnings of a fun show, once it settles into stride. I will feel I’ll give it a month or so to see how it settles, for I'm still hopeful.


Hellcats – The CW

There's this thing, the Bechdel Test, which is used as a sort of litmus test for female presence is movie and television. In order to pass, the film or show must include at least two women, and they must have at least one conversation about something other than men, or a man. When formed in 1985, this wasn’t some die-hard demand of femininist ultras, but just to draw attention to how many shows completely fail this test.

Hellcats passes with flying colours. The premise of this comedy-drama is that a snarky narcissistic female law student loses her scholarship, and the only way she can stay at University is by gaining a cheerleading scholarship. She passes try-outs, meets a new friend and new rival, and starts competitive cheerleading. Yes, it is laughably formulaic, but that may not be such a horrible thing.

So, as you have probably gathered, this is a show about cheerleading. To its credit, it decides to treat it as a serious sport, (which the most dangerous teen sport probably deserves,) and looks like training and winning competitions is going to be more of a focus than the teen-drama stuff. And it seems well made, with some actually funny jokes and some nice Whedon-esque dialogue. The characters all seem distinguishable, and interesting, which is better than *shudder* Glee managed.

I have no problem with this if it does become popular, and it probably deserves it. But it is a teen drama about cheerleading. So, yeh... If I was a fifteen year old girl, I would probably watch it. But I’m not, so...


Haven - SyFy


The American SyFy channel are making a real move to step up in the world, and make their own original programming – which is a move I truly hope works for them. Any network who are focused on producing quality genre shows get my support all the way. They are not new to the business, being the guys who produced the best years of Stargate, produced Battlestar Galactica, and who’ve since created Stargate Universe, Caprica, and Warehouse 13.

Their new show this summer is Haven, a supernatural series based on a Steven King novel. A female FBI agent with a mysterious past gets sent to investigate a routine case in the sleepy town of Haven, who starts to uncover townsfolk with supernatural abilities. The first episode is a fairly paint by numbers affair, with the town and the characters slowly introduced. The quick wit of the dialogue slips by, flowing mostly unnoticed, hinting that it might become something later on. The characters all make an appearance, but only give vague clues as to who they might become, and the plot of the show is still unclear to me. Is this a “buddy cops investigate the supernatural” show? Is it a “Person investigates their own parents and past” show? Is it a “supernatural conspiracy” show?

You see, I come back to that difficulty of reviewing any pilot episode, of how little time these shows are given to make an impression. Haven feels like it is dragging its heels slightly. After the pilot I should know who people are and what they are doing. The fact that I just don’t makes this a hard show to recommend.

Despite the pilot giving little sense of what this show is, I can say it’s very nicely made, and I was never bored. But it didn’t fill me with a need to watch the next episode either. It was convincing enough to let me give it a second chance next week, but not enough for me to give it a shout out. It may become something, I have a feeeling it might, and here’s hoping it will... but then again, it may not.

Sunday 12 September 2010

Inceptionauts

Combining things good things is good. Evidence:

Wednesday 8 September 2010

Too Many Words on a Simple Bet

My brother and I have put on a bet, between ourselves. He is sure that Gerrard and Joe Cole are going to work for Uncle Woy’s Liverpool, and I believe this is the year that Valencia and Nani come into their own for United down the wings. The bet is who will score more league goals this year? Gerrard & Joe Cole, or Nani & Valencia.

The more I think about it, the more confident I get.

Nani and Valencia are 23 and 25 respectively, they are both young players who are constantly improving. More so, United, with slight problems in the centre of midfield, will be looking more to these wingers to turn in quality performances. Nani, who has been developing into a proper talent, and Valencia, who is the poster-boy for consistency, stand a good chance of really hitting form this year. United will look to them to get forward, to get on the end of attacking moves, and score more goals than last year. Besides, even if they don’t quite hit top form, any player who is part of the United attack is going to score goals.

But more combined goals than Gerrard and Joe Cole?

Joe Cole has always suffered from injuries, often missing months of the season and then returning out of form. He has played most of his career out wide, and will now be asked to perform in the middle, and despite his capacity for moments of greatness, he is not what can be called a consistent player. Or even a goalscorer. In 08-09, he scored 2 league goals, in 14 games. In 09-10, he scored 2 league goals, and that was over 26 games. He scored 1 in 19 cup games, which is a poor show, and even though cup games don’t matter for the bet, it just shows how few goals he has been scoring in recent years. He hasn’t scored internationally since 2008, and that was against Andorra. Joe Cole is not a frequent goal scorer, and his injury record will keep him from being a first teamer for large parts of the season.

But the real force for Liverpool will be their captain, and Gerrard has a habit of scoring goals for his club. However, his tally has not been falling as some people suggest. In fact, Gerrard’s eye for goal has been vastly overrated by many due to one fantastic season. In 08-09, Liverpool pushed for the League Title, and Gerrard scored 16 goals. This was a great haul, but it was an aberration. It was the first time in his career he had scored more than 11 league goals. Last year he scored 9. This seems far more likely to be the situation again.

I say this because of the other factor that we must remember: these two are Liverpool players, and Liverpool are no longer the force they were. Instead of being a team pushing for a potential league title, they are struggling to hit a UEFA cup place. While United took Chelsea to the final day of season, ‘Pool finished 7th. I say this not to gloat, but to point out the obvious; winning teams score more goals. Last year United scored 86 goals, Liverpool scored 61. I don’t have any numbers to back this up, but it is not too much of a leap to suggest that teams that score more, do so because they create more chances. United will be creating more opportunities than ‘Pool, and it is Valencia & Nani who will show the results of this in the goals they score.

Now, what this all means, is that we can expect Joe Cole to score a few goals, likely 1-3 this season, and Gerrard to score around the 10 mark, so maybe 9-12. So between them, (if they don’t personally underperform, which I think they will), we can expect maybe a 12 goal tally.

Last year Nani scored 4 league goals, and Valencia scored 5, a haul I’ll be needing them to build on this year. However, Nani scored an extra 9 goals in cup competitions, and Valencia 3. If they improve, as I think they will, and score some of those cup goals in the league instead, we can expect them to hit double figures as a pairing, and hopefully to hit nearer the 20 goal mark.

The money will so be mine.