Tuesday 30 December 2008

Most Anticipated Film

2008 was a great movie year, with a huge amount of fun had at the cinema. This new year, which I have been calling 2009, look set to be similarly great. Here are the films I am looking forward to the most:

1. Star Trek
I am a huge fan of J.J Abrams, and when he comes along and makes the new Star Trek movie, with a new cast and a fresh outlook, I get excited. After watching the astounding trailer, I. Cannot. Wait.

2. Watchmen
I have been reading the comic, and it is incredible. When this film arrives, it could be mind-blowing.

3. Transformers 2
When I first watched Transformers I was dissapointed. When I saw it a second time I got the point, and realised how much fun it was. Nobody makes a Michael Bay movie like Michael Bay.

Friday 26 December 2008

Christmas...

I am so full I can hardly type...

Thursday 25 December 2008

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all!

May a great time with presents, food and family be had.

Tuesday 23 December 2008

A T-Rex Cannot...

PCGamer recently ran a joke, based upon why it would be unfortunate to be a T-Rex on account of having such short arms. Arms of such a diminutive nature would surely be a dissadvantage in the modernw world, and as such mankind is superior to a T-Rex, in that they cannot do so many things. This joke has had me thinking, and so here I type, writing down all the things I imagine a T-Rex would have trouble with. Incfedibly, this list is, almost entirely, my own work! Huzzah!

A T-Rex Cannot:

001. Cope with the crushing loneliness of existence...
002. Stop laughing at that water-skiing squirrel...
003. Catch that pidgeon - now!
004. Put on a hat
005. Arm-Wrestle
006. Reach the shark repellent bat-spray.
007. Perform Seppuku.
008. Draw Brian’s Guide.
009. Put in headphones.
010. Use semaphore flags.
011. Ride a horse.
012. Stop the music.
013. Steeple their fingers and say “excellent.”
014.Perform the Haka with the All Blacks.
015. Fire a arrow with a longbow.
016. Reach for the sky.
017. Give a cracker to their shoulder-parrot, Polly.
018. Attach their braces to their trousers.
019. Use a knife-wrench.
010. Do the Safety Dance.
011. Be fired. He quits.
012. Wield a Bat’leth.
013. Wave away pungent odours efficiently.
014. Save the Princess. She is in another castle.
015. Accept Serenity as Canon.
016. Put in contact lenses.
017. Swat a fly that has landed on the tip of their nose.
018. Save Emperor Uriel Septim VII.
019. Drink Shots.
020. Pick up Desdemona’s handkerchief.
021. Catch the Golden Snitch with ease.
022. Play a DS.
023. Catch ‘em all.
024. Perform a tracheotomy.
025. Defend themselves against ear-poison attack while asleep.
026. Speak into their hand-held dictaphone.
027. Stop the rain from fallin’.
028. Button their shirt.
029. Chose ‘tween Captains Kirk and Picard.
030. Bounce on a space hopper.
031. Tie their tie.
032. Adjust the sliding transporter controls on the Enterprise.
033. Salute.
034. Hammer a nail.
035. Do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
036. Effectively contribute to a Mexican Wave.
037. Pick items off the highest shelves in supermarkets.
038. Brandish a yellow card dramatically during a football match.
039. Brandish a red card dramatically during a football match.
040. Do the rolex sweep.
041. Manoeuvre the submarine periscope.
042. Retrieve a tennis ball that has rolled under a car.
043. Do the YMCA
044. Put in their own cufflinks.
045. Pinch a nosebleed.
046. Defend against the Corbomite Manoeuvre.
047. Apply Mascara.
048. Remove Mascara.
049. Simultaneously pat their head and rub their stomachs.
050. Pat their head - at all.
051. Pick Apples.
052. Catch me. I’m the Gingerbreadman!
053. Mime being trapped in a glass box.
054. Tip their hat to a passin’ lady.
055. Covertly speak into a wrist-microphone.
056. Apply Lipstick.
057. Apply Lip balm.
058. Play a violin.
059. Play the world’s smallest violin.
060. Fit to the proportions of Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man.
061. Participate in either half of the Swanee-Kazoo round on I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue.
062. Put this Babel fish in their ear.
063. Trim their nose-hairs.
064. Proudly hold high the ‘V for Victory’.
065. Put on a wrist-watch.
066. Wolf-Whistle.
067. Bring back Pushing Daisies.
068. Accurately represent the size of a fish that got away.
069. A Kamehameha.
070. Style hair.
071. Play the cello.
072. Dry their tears.
073. Twirl a mustache.
074. Cover for Atlas.
075. Floss their teeth.

076. Throw a pokéball like Ash.
077. Perform a Vulcan mind-meld.
078. Take the midnight train going anywhere.
079. Use Binoculars.
080. Fit the Star Wars prequels with the original canon.
081. Handle the truth.
082. Put on their own clown make-up.
083. Hold a shell to their ear and hear the sea.
084. Shop at Tesco (guide-dogs only)
085. Adjust a microscope during use.
086. Play an ocarina.
087. Play a harmonica.
088. Reach the hip holster of their six-shooter.
089. Pull the parachute rip-cord.
090. Understand this thing you humans call "love".
091. Throw a lasso around the moon and pull it down.

092. Juggle
093. Open a jar
094. Tie their shoe-laces
095. High-Five
096. Brush their teeth
097. Realise a life-long ambition of becoming a world-famous trapeze artist.
098. Apply Shampoo
099. Rinse Shampoo
100. Repeat

Sunday 21 December 2008

24: Redemption

I have to say, I had forgotten how much fun 24 can be. Watchin' Jack Bauer getting caught up in circumstances beyond his control is incredibly tense and makes for one enjoyable tv-movie. As a stand-alone movie, Redemption may have been unremarkable. To be fair, it had a small amount of politics just to remind us that is what will make up the filler of the new season, and some action and torture to remind us that is what Jack wll be forced, by circumstance, towards, but that was about it. As a movie, it was really quite unnecceary. The plot was not one we really needed to see - there was no reason for Jack to go to Africa, and it all seemed rather forced. All this, just to get us set for the new season, with Jack awaiting trial for crimes he had commited in order to save the nation, and what loooks like a conspiracy that the president's son has become involved in. But set us up it did, and now I am excited.

One nitpick. After season 4, Jack went on the run. He had to stay low, to avoid the Chinese. After season 5, he was sent to a Chinese jail, were he stayed until the begining on season 6, after which he fled the USA and has toured less developed countries, such as India and Sangala. According to my calculations, it will be about 8 years since Jack left CTU. Surely, after that length of time, he would be out of the loop of the who's-who of terrorism. But, I guess, after all the plotlines that 24 has been through, this would be a rather small thing for me to be picking up on...

Only a few more weeks, and then 24 is back. But dont forget, those weeks of waiting take place in real time.

Friday 12 December 2008

My Two Most Hated People in TV

I love television. I think that is a fair assessment. In this industry, there are a huge number of incredibly talented people making some wonderful shows, people who I wish all the best for and cannot wait to see what they do next. Sadly, not everyone in the industry is like this. Some of them are complete assholes, ruining once great, or potentially great shows. Two, especially, stick out in my mind. I hate them.

Tim Kring.

This man is an utter imbecile. The first season of Heroes was genius. It took superhero conventions,and established them in a world of normality. It was show of people struggling to find out who they truly are, as we all are, but with superpowers thrown in as a bonus. It mixed the trials of life with the extraordinary to be both relatable and exciting. It was an incredible show.

But Kring had a principle, of “writing based on the idea of what happens next, and not knowing where you’re going, intrigued by the idea of writing kind of blindly towards an ending." In some cases this is not the wrong approach. The majority of shows start production before scripts are completed. However, generally the writers and producers have some idea of what is going to happen. This way they create story arcs and can use subtle prolepsis to create a universe for their show. Kring does not do this. He stumbles around.

Kring has no respect for the audience. When he is not actively insulting them, he is making absurd statments about how the new medium of TV on demand has killed serialised dramas, a suggesting which just makes no sense. He spends long periods introducing plot lines or characters before dropping them unceremoiously, with no sense of conclusion. Heroes now has no flow, each episode mangles what went before, strangling the canon, and making, quite simply, absolutly no sense as a narrative arc. We have gone from the achingly slow season two and arrived at a rocket paced mess that makes no sense. There is no continuity. Characters are, for the third time, repeatring their stories from season one, or are being forced into uncharacteristic directions for no good reason. He has now decided that a high tempo will replace good writing.

Kring has killed Heroes. He took one of the greatest shows I have ever seen, and solidly and consistently destroyed it, hacking away at everything that was once great. For this I despise the man. I hate him.

Salvation?

Kring originally designed the cast of Heroes to be constantly changing. He intended for a completely new cast to come around frequently, introducing new stories and new threads. Instead, the Network Executives at NBC forced Kring to keep the same cast, writing stories for characters that were never intended to have multiple story arcs, and so repetition ensued. The Writers strike did not help, lobotomising everything he was building towards with season two. But, nonetheless, he has taken one of the greatest television series I have ever seen, on a constant downward spiral. I hate you Tim Kring. You have ruined Heroes.

Russell T. Davies.

This man cannot write a decent script to save his life. Every episode of Doctor Who that he has been in charge of has been gripped by his horiffic inability to write tension, plot or dialog. After seeing the public pandering to this berk, this man has an OBE, I am sickened. Every stupid cliche imaginable, with no purpose or direction. Horribly repetitive and annoying characters, in a show devoid of internal logic.

But the reason I hate him is not because Doctor Who is so often utter drivel. That could be expected. I hate him because, every now and again, Doctor Who is amazing. Talented writers such as Paul Cornell or Steven Moffat come in and produce incredible episodes, that are genuinly interesting and tense, and then we go back to more of the horrendous crap shoved at us by Russell T.

This turgid mess, advertised for months, was best exemplified in last years christmas special. That was, without a doubt, one of the worst things I have ever seen on Doctor Who. Closely followed by every Russel T. Davies penned season opener or finale. And now this man is gone, replaced, and we will just have to see, in a few years time, if someone else can do better with this show. I just wish people would stop building it up into something it isn't. It is a horrible show, with occasional grand episodes.

Salvation?

Russell is, at heart, a publicist. He was able to resurrect a TV show that had an unpopular public image, and create a huge buzz. He returned a TV icon to screen successfully, using some incredibly clever marketing. He used teased shots of re-imagined villains to create interest, and re-invented the nature of Saturday afternoon television. Mimicry is the highest form of flattery, and with shows like Merlin, Robin Hood and Primeval making the rounds, it is clear that Davies had been hugely successful at what he set out to do. And I have been spoiled. A few good episodes, and suddenly, I am expecting gold from a mildly distracting show written as kitsch nonsense for children at Saturday teatime. Maybe he should be forgiven. But he isn't.